you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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