she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
