Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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