I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
