I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize