he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My balls are so social today.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
