Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
