That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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