I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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