I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
