you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
