My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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