Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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