She is in my trunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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