Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Quick, to the slutcave!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
