i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
