I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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