i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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