she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
