He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
