That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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