i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
