at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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