ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
