I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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