I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
