carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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