i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
