I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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