i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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