why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
