i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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