so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We talked him into tasing himself.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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