I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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