You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
