would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
