When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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