Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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