I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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