he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
