There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
