I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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