Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
