i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
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