We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
