I cockslap morals
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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