how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
