Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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