so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
