i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
