Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
