so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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