its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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