Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
