she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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