I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
