I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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