Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
