You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
