I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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