i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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