Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
