i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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