what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
