5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
