Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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