You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
