I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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