It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
