Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
