i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
