Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
