he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
