happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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