Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
