youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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