I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Let's paint friendship bongs
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
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