don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
