PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
